When Rico Gets Pissed 09--The Nigga Chronicles

From an actual conversation...........

Rico- What's wrong?

Dumb Bitch- ______ bein' stupid again...I asked him why he ain't call me and he got all mad at me and shit cuz he said he was "workin".

Rico-un huh...workin' where?

Dumb Bitch-I don't know--some shit up in the goddamn studio... And his baby mama in town, so he say he was chillin' with her...

Rico-....And u cool with that?

Dumb Bitch- I mean....

Rico- U's a dumb bitch.....


All bitches aint dumb ones, but you'd be surprised.....

I simply want to address a little problem I've noticed with the females I encounter and talk to...
pardon if I'm a bit rash because to be honest, this post hits very close to home because nothing frustrates an intellectual like myself more than ignorant people....I'm not being cocky.....well actually yes I am--I don't need anyone to tell me I represent the upper echelon when it comes to Black males.....but for some reason...ya know what, just listen

1) I think I said it once before, but women get too caught up in romanticism. Just because he strokes your ego every other sentence doesn't mean this nigga's worth it. I personally feel like women see an attractive guy and want to find a reason to like him, even though he ain't doin' a damn thing with his life, stay locked up or in some mess, got a baby mama, can't finish school or stay up in some damn studio, etc.--the list goes on. A friend of mine literally fell head over heels for some dude she met in the club just because he came at her with cheesy ass lines all the time--you know? Talkin' about how pretty your smile is, acting like he really cares about your day, the "harmless" flirting. As soon as he realized she wasn't givin' it up no time soon, he stopped talking to her. Damn...just a week ago, this boy said he was different--wanted to be patient and build a good friendship with you...guess he changed his damn mind. And I pray you don't fuck these conniving ass niggas. Words are just that--words. Actions speak louder and you have to hold these fools to higher standards than making you "feel" good through text messages or a couple dinners.

2) That leads me into the next issue I have with women and their standards. Find someone who has a least a little drive and determination, who isn't typical. The best type of men are the ones who actually think. Is the guy you're talking to a dreamer? Does he have ambition? Or does he just sit on his ass all day and claim he's makin' moves? You know the answer. I was shocked at how many beautiful, intelligent, working women fell for guys who had no degree of purpose in their lives. 95% of the time, these men were involved in music in some form or fashion. I don't think that shit's a coincidence. I have nothing against creativity--I do it too, but use some common sense---If five years from now(when you're not in school anymore) you can't admit what your man is doing to your friends at work, your parents or anybody you respect, then don't settle now. Don't even waste your time. I know you're saying "Five years? Damn!" But hey, if you can't see a long term relationship being built, then why are you bothering with him? You're a grown damn woman, so stop playing little childish games! How many studioheads you know makin' it happen? Is promoting your friends' events really a career or just an excuse to be at the damn club every other night? Is the money (if any) made from these endeavors being invested in worthwhile efforts? You'll find the answers to these questions usually make it clear whether your man is really doing something with his life or if he's using a hobby as an excuse to remain in his hood mentality of going platinum someday. You got an education, make that nigga get his.

3) LISTEN!!! Women are some of the most stuck up species I've ever seen. It's almost as if they go looking for aint-shit niggas or at least only respond to them. I'm not saying you have to give the time of day to every guy who comes your way, but if someone is polite and comes up to you for conversation instead of hopping on your ass like a jackrabbit or getting all up in your face like he own you, you may want to see what's poppin' with the gentleman. He may not be as flashy or even as charming all the time, but what you will get is a needed dose of authenticity in a world where everybody frontin' to get somethin'. You gave your number to the nigga who bought you a drink and grinded on your ass for ten songs, but you dismiss the man who actually ASKS you if you want to dance or walks up to you and says "how are you" instead of running game. Get over yourselves ladies! Be more damn approachable.

4) You deserve better. Simple as that. Don't simplify who you are to accommodate a whim, something that caught your eye. If you're going to spend your time with people, make sure they're worth it. Stop trying to build these pathetic ass men you meet into something close to successful when you know that's not realistic. Everybody you attracted to ain't worth givin the time of day, and all the people you dismiss because their "swag" or whatever the hell was off in the club ain't bad. Keep your standards high, but keep your mind and eyes open.

Ok I'm done ranting----reading over this, many might feel I'm just an angry little man who can't get a girl.....I really don't give a damn. Because while you bitchin to your girls about how "niggas aint shit" cuz he cheatin' on yo ass or "you don't know what to do with him" because he doesn't appreciate you, I'll be getting my third degree while some of these niggas hopin for their first. Damn that was a low blow...... I'm sorry I didn't go to community college, or hustle cd's out my trunk, or get a girl pregnant in high school, or get VIP status at the club...I'm so fucking sorry I grew up.....Bitch please.....Don't tell me I ain't the shit....

Personal Renovations: Baby Steps and Patience

So I've been thinking more and more lately about how to improve the quality of my life. More specifically, I'm wondering if I'm doing enough at this point to ensure I'm on the path to success. Fact is I'm not.

There are a few primary areas that have consumed the majority of my time and energy. Those areas are finances, social interaction at all levels, finding a career, and overall being more purposeful in my actions.

I've decided that in order to develop in these areas, it's going to take a concerted effort. I've been sitting on my ass waiting for shit to happen and it just doesn't work that way. The only way to achieve is to perform---perform at the highest level I can at all times. Knowledge of this fact is the key to making positive changes in my life. I am fully aware that I have the potential to fulfill my dreams of attaining a peaceful and thoroughly creative mind, but it's definitely going to take hard work.

In the coming weeks, I'll be blogging about my successes, failures and thoughts during this process. It's more to keep me grounded and focused on my goal. Also, it'll help me get used to writing more often. I feel like writing is definitely the most effective means of therapy for me. It's been that way since day one and I can't imagine why I stopped, even for a little while. But the here and now is all that matters.

STRUCTURE

The first and most important step to creating positive change is cultivating a positive, productive mindset. All negative thoughts including, but not limited to doubt, fear, antagonism, bitterness and worry must be removed. A daily affirmation is useful in establishing a firm base for successful thinking. Motivational or profound quotes have always did it for me. My facebook status is a good idea of what I mean--pick quotes that make you think, not the cliche sort that people hear everyday from their grandparents...

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. -Henry David Thoreau

Now isn't that beautiful and profound? Basically he's saying that we can't simply change on a whim, think a thought once and be done with it. We must continually and everlastingly think the "thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." We have to train our minds to work in the way we wish our persons to be. In my experience, it's best to envision yourself living the life you want to and working your way backward from there. First what kind of person do you want to be? What are your passions currently? Invest in the good ones. What are your hopes and dreams? Take the steps now to try to achieve as many of them as you can. You'd be surprised at how much you're actually capable of when you simply try. Think of it this way. Everyone dreams and wants things, but a very small percentage even begin to work toward their fondest desires. By simply beginning, you've brought yourself closer to your dreams than you could ever believe. It could be as simple as building your resume and applying for a job, auditioning for theater, writing a story or too, committing to furthering your education, making a list of things to do, cleaning your room, working out, quitting smoking, telling yourself you're worthy of success, praying every night, or any of a variety of things that represent moving toward becoming who it is you want to be. EVALUATE YOURSELF HONESTLY AND CRUDELY AND KEEP AN OPEN MIND. FROM THERE, CREATE THE SELF IMAGE THAT REPRESENTS THE ESSENCE OF THE QUINTESSENTIAL "YOU".

By constantly improving your self perception and always finding new positive goals to add to your desired self image, you provide yourself with structure and a guide toward success. Your self image is the backbone of your path to success.

The Initial Realization- Means and Ends

Today, yesterday, tomorrow, it's all the same moment, the same opportunity for the decision to go wherever I please in life. It seems even though I realize that, I'm still pretending I have time to fuck around and play games--childish games. The faster I get real, the sooner I'll feel secure in my chances to control this beast called life.

These damn tricks I keep playing on myself, acting as if I should really be concerned with such matters as lust, attention, silly constructs of happiness that only aid in my diagnosis as a clinically depressed, bipolar, temperamental silly man when all are really a complete waste of my time. They are wastes only because they result from my thinking about nothing beyond the current state of things, the immediate gratification of ignorance....no...not ignorance.....foolishness and fleeting bouts of pleasure. Hmm, so I guess I think I have more time than I actually do to fool around.

You see, that my friend is precisely the issue. I continue to assume that because the moment is infinite, I am too. But that isn't how God chose to make this sick little indulgence of His. Not at all. You see God is infinite. So in reality, God is the only One capable of embracing the luxury of an infinite moment, a total non existence of time.....and subsequently, death.

So herein lies our dilemma, which will promptly be addressed. I have already decided that. So I will die (sooner than later given my lack of concern for healthy practices) and I can't reap the advantages of infinity because I have a time to die. However, while I am on this earth, I can learn to make some headway, control this moment just a bit. But I have to start soon. What a drag. So what do I do now?

Should I...devote myself to a life of obedient Christianity? Perhaps I should scrap all concern for institutions and simply focus on doing whatever it takes to feel good...no, no not that. That's where I am now. Maybe it depends on what I want to be. Let's figure that out, shall we. Top Ten things I want out of this wretched life of mine before I die.

Power
Money
Security
Affection
Fame
Importance

wait, wait.......I see. So it seems I'm getting my means and ends confused. Aha, it's when we pursue our means as ends, we get that horrible affliction of disillusion. Means are precisely that--means and aren't meant to last. I've been doing that for a while, going after means. So let's redo the list. First with our desired ends.

Security
Purpose

wow, suddenly that list gets a whole lot shorter when you think about the shit that matters. And the means? Well that list would be a bitch to do tonight, so maybe next time.

I don't know the title yet, but a story I'm writing...

So this journey called life-simple right? I’m sure you’ve got everything and anything all figured out? Wrong: as wrong as something could possibly be. In fact, it’s proven more difficult in the past four days than anything I could imagine….

Day 1

Day broke-- like I broke open an eye and stroked my face and I, unfortunately awoke. Damn. Try as I might, this just wasn't my time to die. Not yet. Still trials to be suffered, goals to be met and I bet my last smoke this should prove another day worth dying after. Damn. Day broke, and I lay drifting into some world I wished was there. Where I wasn't boxed in this white room with its white walls and doors, all the more to drive me mad and the sun was white hot against my black ass face. Damn. I hated it.

"Wake up bitch! It’s Monday. Time to receive some of that million dollar education.” It was Kyle. He was always moving, always doing something …if even not for his best interest.

"It’s school…it’s not going anywhere. It will be there tomorrow…and the next day and the next one. It’s actually quite annoying.” I said.

I Moved about my bed and the pillow didn't feel right anymore. Turned it. Cold, better and comfortable. Some hope maybe? But five minutes into time saw me hating it all the more.

“Dude you still haven’t done anything with this room. It’s so bland.” said Kyle.

“I have no money to do anything, including unnecessary acts like decorating this prison you call a dorm.” I said.

"Well guess what Mr. Pessimist. Life is a very real thing. And right now the most important thing in your life is getting up and going to class. Wake up fool!”

Kyle kicked the bed, but I pretended not to notice. I wanted to go back into my dreams, to my world of paradise and trees, woods never ending and a symbolic rainfall teeming with the stimulation I craved. I hated the real world. It was a mess. Like my room. I turned over again and reached towards something better. The ritual Newport that eased my habitual thoughts of death. That box had things in it. 20 reasons to live a "class A" life. Empty. Shit, that's the story of my existence.

“It’s a bright day man!” Kyle said, ripping open the curtains. The blinding light of the sun in the morning. Ugh.

Kyle was what you might like to call my best friend. Well in reality, he was my only friend, but I made it count. I met him back in high school, a glutton for trouble but a boy wise beyond his 16 years at the time. He’s 18 now and loving it. We decided to stick together and left the hood for higher ground. Emory University, a top twenty school teeming with all the middle class we could get our hands on. Oh, how we strove for the middle class.

“Fine, I’m up you stupid idiot.” I said.

I stood up, glaring at the source of my misfortune. He dared speak another word or I’d kill him.

“Plus you know that crazy ass bitch, Tammy gon’ be lookin’ for yooooou oooh! Leaving her on the street last night?! She’s most definitely going to have a thing or two to say to um, express my utter disgust with your behavior. Who the fuck talks like that? A crazy bitch, that’s who.”

“I hate you so much. Tammy deserved that shit. She was acting up all night. Flirting with anything on two legs, pretending she was single? She practically begged me to slap her behind in the mouth. I swear I don’t know what keeps me with her.” I said.

“I don’t know either. Well…oh would you look at that. Guess who’s outside waiting? Tammy. That’s yo ass Mr. Postman.” I’ll see you in class. If you make it.”

“Thanks for the moral support.” I said. Kyle left and I inched toward the window. I made eye contact with her. Damn! She was still there when I looked. I sighed and went to brush my teeth.

A natural disaster was about to occur and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The Line Between Friends and Lovers: The Case of the Ex

The line between friends and lovers: The Case of the Ex


Whether it be an ex, a childhood friend, someone you just met, or whatever, we constantly find ourselves caught up in the classic situation of not knowing "what we are", "whether we should be doing this" and all that jazz.

The Ex

I constantly find myself talking, chilling just trying to kick it with the ex because nobody wants to be fighting and sh*t just because a relationship couldn't work out. I tried it and there are certain things you have to remember if you plan on being friends.

1) Don't fool yourself into thinking your relationship never happened.

2)Just because yall still f*ckin', don't mean yall still together.

3) Don't get in "what if" conversations

4) Don't talk about whose fault it is you broke up. Say it was mutual if someone asks.

5) If you and your ex's friendship fails, be careful about communicating with your ex's friends, family, or associates.


6) Don't date each other's friends. What's a friend?

*Anyone with below 2 degrees of separation.

*Any friend who actively hung out with the ex,

*that one friend you know you wanna talk to and you know they wanna talk to you, but it would blow up.

*friends who aren't friends with your ex anymore as a result of a fallout

*anybody your ex would "magically" turn into a friend, even if its untrue.


7) Keep your business to yourself.

8) Keep physical contact to a minimum (if you can help it)

9) Don't immediately get a rebound

10) Don't say you love them

Perserverance

I received a phone call today from a friend back home who following up on a developing situation with her brother. She was worried about him. Her brother is 16, attending an all black high school much as I did and he got himself into some mess and wants to drop out of school citing it's too much trouble to change. No matter what his parents or sister say to him, he just keeps on getting himself into trouble with gangs, drugs and girls. He ran away from home and now his sister was looking for him. His sister convinced his parents not to call the police since he was answering his phone just not telling where he was. I had talked to him many times before and he was so much like me. He just wanted to prove himself, prove he was worth something more than what people gave him credit for. The kid is smart. He has much potential and I was saddened to hear that one more of my brothers was falling by the wayside. I remember him telling me he was way smarter than I was and he would prove it to me if it was the last thing he did. It was like looking in a mirror. He was like maybe 12 then. It should be noted that since then he's bested me at every test, achievement or otherwise and honestly I was glad, just excited that he was beating the same circumstances I did and moving forward. That is why I was so shocked to hear this. He is a senior I believe now but I hadn't talked to him a while. I neglected his phone calls and would always say I was busy when really I could have talked to him.

Eventually I was able to speak with him and ask him what the hell was going on. He told me no one liked him. I said what should you care if people don't like you. You are a likable person. He said his parents seemed to be solely focused on his education, his friends felt like they couldn't talk to him because he was too "deep" and some even said he was stuck up, and he decided to join a gang to get some street credit and respect from his peers. He started using hard drugs and his grades fell, and was finding himself in some very compromising situations. He felt his world crumbling around him and his grades dropped before he got kicked out of school for fighting.His girlfriend, whom he admitted tried to get him to chill left him. And to top it all off, he saw a young man beaten to a bloody pulp the other day and almost panicked when his gang insisted he join in and he didn't, thus they ridiculed him and threatened him about telling. He was distraught and said he ran away to get some peace. He didn't feel like he had anything left and now he would be a failure.

by this point, I was crying. I was so angry at how the mind and the world drives us into these positions of despair. I told him that there was nothing stopping him from being great and that in fact he was closer to it now than he'd ever been. He didn't understand, so I told him of some of my more recent experiences and how these times are necessary to strengthen us, give us wisdom and help us understand what things really matter in this world. he told me that he wants to get back to being productive but didn't know where to start. He thought his college hopes were dashed, his relationship with his parents and friends ruined because they knew he had ran away and ironically didn't respect him for the violence he was associated with. I told him it was all irrelevant. People will always have their flawed perceptions about you and what you do and why you do it. Some are jealous ones who envy your talents and abilities and want nothing more than to be like you because they themselves lack identity and purpose. Some are fools who are too ignorant to understand who you are and resort to superficial matters of satisfaction like being popular and playing to the masses. Some are fighting their own issues and compensating through gangs and otherwise and they seek out vulnerable people like you and exploit them. But you, you must be different. You must decide for yourself that you are greater than all those things and fight to regain your place. Again he asked how? I told him God and a willingness to endure heartache for a real purpose and not for the sake of having problems.

So I preached to him for a while and by the end of the conversation we were laughing it up and he was again insisting he'd be greater than I was. Little did he know I was no greater than he. I'd done the same things all the way into college. I was the same as him and he as me and we as any person in the world. We were both two black men who needed a wake up call and now were facing life with renewed motivation. He eventually returned home and currently in the process of getting his life back together. I was so glad to hear of his fortune and I thanked God I was able to help him. I wonder how many others are seeking someone to talk to, to relate. I certainly am at times. Aren't we all? It's funny how I still face those battles that my younger companion did and will.

I implore our people to help each other more. Your experiences are the key to our success.

Realizing Your Potential-Bound in your own Mental Shackles Part 1 Share

We have to reevaluate what matters people. We have to make the most of our lives....

To myself and the masses of bad decision makers,

When will the education profit you? When will you stop deceiving yourself and believing that the path you walk, the thoughts you think, the choices you continue to make upon the basis of your own severely limited thought processes are anything close to your potential, your greatest position in life? When will you cease with the participation in mediocre, otherwise pointless endeavors and begin to transform yourself into a model of productivity? When will you seek peace in the correct places and stop with the knock-off appearances of "happy", "content" and perfectly okay with putting on the facade of well being? Enough with the games, man, when are you going to decide to win? When will your dedicate yourself to reality, truth and authentic happiness?

It's not as if you don't understand your errors in judgment. It's not as if you are ignorant to the negativity and poison you've continued to welcome into your life--all for the fleeting passion of the moment, the emotional and mental high that comes from living as if you are oblivious to right and wrong. Who are you fooling? You aren't even fooling yourself and to be truthful, that in itself is amazing considering you've up to this point never given anyone reason to believe you are capable of discerning concepts as simple as consequences, as the "long run"....As your future?

More specifically, you focus your energies on dead pursuits. What I mean is you invest your precious ability into fits of pleasure, for the wrong types of attention and company, in essentially creating a false sense of security. It angers me to no end!

At moments you show glimmers of hope, small signs of the power you hold within to change the world, to change your life and way of thinking in order to have the greatest influence you can have--that of adding positive energy to this place.

You've chosen to be uninterested in cultivating habits and beliefs, behaviors and efforts aimed at shaping you into a wholesome individual and giving your life the purpose you've sought for so long.


Why? Where are you going with the mayhem, the unhealthy lifestyle and this twisted thinking that has got you believing more in the people who hurt you and the indulgences of a vagabond than the prospect of a God who can and has restored your soul from pieces? Do you not remember where you were just a short time ago? Recognize that you are lucky to even have the opportunities you have because you haven't made God or fortune's job easier with your foolish actions and decisions.

Stop wasting away with thoughts of what you could do, what you feel you don't have the discipline to do or silly ideas of believing this existence you have now is all there is to life.There is so much more and you know it!! I don't need to show you a slideshow of your future if you correct your philosophies! You fully understand what's at stake here!! Think of what the next 50 or 60 years of your life could be or more seriously, are you going to ignore what may be the fate of your soul after you leave this plain of existence? Do you really want to take that risk? Eternity?

If for nothing else, reevaluate your current state of mind for the sake of your inner peace. How long do you want to swim in sin, in boredom, in the relative predictability of lust, sloth and being dare I say, average? What is that? Nothing is what is! Nothing! you're worth so much more!

If even for your own pride, do something! I can't watch you rot! I can't be satisfied with settling! Your family, your peers, those rich and poor, famed, esteemed or hated cannot be your measuring stick for success. Measure yourself against the belief that you are capable of nothing less than the best, the most that life and love have to offer you. Pray that a change is made in your heart and that you will finally commit to taking the road less traveled.

I promise the results will amaze you.