We are still in the diagnostic stages of the Detox, so expect many thoughts. Lately, spiritual and creative forces have been at work in my life. The Detox is already opening up my mind to positive vibes. A friend and I recently had a conversation concerning God and His existence, this world, good and evil, all that type stuff....I have no idea why, but the dots came together. It all made sense since I was able to reconcile both my role and His in my daily life. I was right about one thing---everything I do is entirely up to me. I can make choices,any choices and each has a consequence. I've always believed bad things just happen and the whole "never more than you can bear" thing got pretty old pretty fast. But now I understand that God created and shaped this universe for reasons I could never comprehend (not that I've tried lately since I was pretty much done with it) and we simply inhabit that space with free will. That will separates good choices from bad ones. Sometimes God steps in and provides situations and people that might help us along (or give us a wake up call). From that point, it's all us.

I maintain my views about religion and the bible, but I understand those now as reflections of different time and place, where people like Jesus were chillin' in the cut while slavery, polygamy, crucifixion, and all kinds of other olden stuff went on. Jesus was a bad mofo--this I have always known. However it's much easier for me to understand exactly why Jesus came now. I'd explain it, but I'm already bad about blogging so I gotta make it count.


THE LEAK EP

oK, so for some reason, the writer's block is gone, and I'm rapping like I was in high school. A week ago, I couldn't write a verse----I haven't slept in almost 48 hours because I come home to my makeshift studio (AKA a fast ass computer and knowing how to use mixing software) and lay down track after track after track.

Oops...almost forgot. Yeah I rap lol A lot....The thing is I have always loved rapping. It's the most raw medium for expressing oneself.


The link below is to some of my work. Some of it sounds a lil rough because I've refused to invest in this particular hobby for fear I'll fall into the same category as the people I talk shit about----another studio head with a dollar and a dream.........buuuut hey---that's one of my tracks on the leak, so I can relate. Listen!!!!! Bob ya heads and enjoy---it's good stuff.

Come Take A Ride With Me

http://www.zshare.net/audio/71219397680f3530/

Got a Dollar and a Dream

http://www.zshare.net/audio/7121950536f8517a/

Put You on the Met

http://www.zshare.net/audio/71219655a950c1e6/

Thoughts and Dreams: Detox Vol.1

Hello world--long time no see---

Pardon if I'm a bit antsy, but it's taking everything in me to not cop some cigs right now. I'll explain why I won't just go get them later. Lately, I've been growing anxious concerning the prospects of my future. I'm not at all confident I'm doing what needs to be done to move forward. Why? Quite frankly, because I'm a lazy fucking bum. There I said it. Henrico Antwan Norris--as it stands is a complete waste of space: too busy waiting for success to fall into his lap to get up and take control of his own life.

Over the past few weeks, I've grown increasingly disappointed with where I am in life. Sure, I'm 22 and some may feel I have plenty of time for a midlife crisis, but if being around Emory kids does anything to you, it reminds you that there is AlWAYS someone progressing. Always someone else working, applying, executing, or developing when I'm being lazy. I'm sorry, but the previous standards I had of simply exiting the hood are proving inadequate for my desired path.


I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why I'm feeling like such an underachiever. When did this start? That would undoubtedly help me figure out how to get over it. I took a step back and noticed that I've neglected to address my person for the better part of 2 years--perhaps longer. Understand that in order to mature properly, you've got to commit yourself to daily self evaluation (note NOT useless self criticism).

And thus we have the Thoughts and Dreams: Detox series. More for my own benefit than anything, I intend on chronicling the progress of my self improvement, by articulating the areas that have the most need and working my way toward becoming the person I want to be. This means setting goals; this means accepting the challenge of changing habits I've had for years. It will be uncomfortable, but it will also be rewarding and productive. Feel free to comment and add your perspectives---I plan on being quite candid throughout this process, so I'm sure to have different positions than most people on a number of issues.

Detox Step #1

The first and most important part of this detox process is establishing your base areas for improvement. It's important I take the time to think of areas in my life I am genuinely concerned about. I won't have as much chance for success if I focus my energy on improving things I don't think matter. So with that said, Let's list the areas I care most deeply about.......

• Health
• Finances and Essential Needs
• Values and Convictions
• Career Goals
• Leisure Time
• Education
• Creative Release
• Home Environment
• Love and Relationships
• Achievement
• My Self Perception
• Quality of my Social Interactions/Connections
• Coping with Stress
  

This list is ever changing and is in no way exhaustive. However, it provides a much needed starting point to affect change in the way I do things. Now, before we move forward, let's take out a couple of these bullets from above:

Love and Relationships
Quality of my Social Interactions/Connections


Notice these two areas deal with other people. So for now, we're going to put those on the back burner. It is vital I address the needs of "self" and my own person before incorporating others into my detox. In fact, short of this blog, I don't plan on involving others in this process to a large degree. I've deactivated any social networks for the time being. That's mainly because part of the detox is understanding who I am independent of people and other external factors.

Isolation may not be the best means for everyone, but it takes knowing what your needs are. I know many of my issues stem from comparing myself to other people for instance. Many of my self perception issues cause me to feel awkward and uncomfortable in social settings. And of course without values and convictions, how can you truly add substance to your interactions with others. These are just a couple of examples, but essentially I want to make the point that REAL CHANGE STARTS FROM THE INSIDE, so take a break from the external pressure for a while and chill. Focus on doing your own thing and in time, we'll deal with everything else.




So I've taken the first step in this Detox and laid out what areas I want to improve. The next step is the diagnostic: an honest evaluation of how I'm doing in each of these areas and what will need to be done.

When Rico Gets Pissed 09--The Nigga Chronicles

From an actual conversation...........

Rico- What's wrong?

Dumb Bitch- ______ bein' stupid again...I asked him why he ain't call me and he got all mad at me and shit cuz he said he was "workin".

Rico-un huh...workin' where?

Dumb Bitch-I don't know--some shit up in the goddamn studio... And his baby mama in town, so he say he was chillin' with her...

Rico-....And u cool with that?

Dumb Bitch- I mean....

Rico- U's a dumb bitch.....


All bitches aint dumb ones, but you'd be surprised.....

I simply want to address a little problem I've noticed with the females I encounter and talk to...
pardon if I'm a bit rash because to be honest, this post hits very close to home because nothing frustrates an intellectual like myself more than ignorant people....I'm not being cocky.....well actually yes I am--I don't need anyone to tell me I represent the upper echelon when it comes to Black males.....but for some reason...ya know what, just listen

1) I think I said it once before, but women get too caught up in romanticism. Just because he strokes your ego every other sentence doesn't mean this nigga's worth it. I personally feel like women see an attractive guy and want to find a reason to like him, even though he ain't doin' a damn thing with his life, stay locked up or in some mess, got a baby mama, can't finish school or stay up in some damn studio, etc.--the list goes on. A friend of mine literally fell head over heels for some dude she met in the club just because he came at her with cheesy ass lines all the time--you know? Talkin' about how pretty your smile is, acting like he really cares about your day, the "harmless" flirting. As soon as he realized she wasn't givin' it up no time soon, he stopped talking to her. Damn...just a week ago, this boy said he was different--wanted to be patient and build a good friendship with you...guess he changed his damn mind. And I pray you don't fuck these conniving ass niggas. Words are just that--words. Actions speak louder and you have to hold these fools to higher standards than making you "feel" good through text messages or a couple dinners.

2) That leads me into the next issue I have with women and their standards. Find someone who has a least a little drive and determination, who isn't typical. The best type of men are the ones who actually think. Is the guy you're talking to a dreamer? Does he have ambition? Or does he just sit on his ass all day and claim he's makin' moves? You know the answer. I was shocked at how many beautiful, intelligent, working women fell for guys who had no degree of purpose in their lives. 95% of the time, these men were involved in music in some form or fashion. I don't think that shit's a coincidence. I have nothing against creativity--I do it too, but use some common sense---If five years from now(when you're not in school anymore) you can't admit what your man is doing to your friends at work, your parents or anybody you respect, then don't settle now. Don't even waste your time. I know you're saying "Five years? Damn!" But hey, if you can't see a long term relationship being built, then why are you bothering with him? You're a grown damn woman, so stop playing little childish games! How many studioheads you know makin' it happen? Is promoting your friends' events really a career or just an excuse to be at the damn club every other night? Is the money (if any) made from these endeavors being invested in worthwhile efforts? You'll find the answers to these questions usually make it clear whether your man is really doing something with his life or if he's using a hobby as an excuse to remain in his hood mentality of going platinum someday. You got an education, make that nigga get his.

3) LISTEN!!! Women are some of the most stuck up species I've ever seen. It's almost as if they go looking for aint-shit niggas or at least only respond to them. I'm not saying you have to give the time of day to every guy who comes your way, but if someone is polite and comes up to you for conversation instead of hopping on your ass like a jackrabbit or getting all up in your face like he own you, you may want to see what's poppin' with the gentleman. He may not be as flashy or even as charming all the time, but what you will get is a needed dose of authenticity in a world where everybody frontin' to get somethin'. You gave your number to the nigga who bought you a drink and grinded on your ass for ten songs, but you dismiss the man who actually ASKS you if you want to dance or walks up to you and says "how are you" instead of running game. Get over yourselves ladies! Be more damn approachable.

4) You deserve better. Simple as that. Don't simplify who you are to accommodate a whim, something that caught your eye. If you're going to spend your time with people, make sure they're worth it. Stop trying to build these pathetic ass men you meet into something close to successful when you know that's not realistic. Everybody you attracted to ain't worth givin the time of day, and all the people you dismiss because their "swag" or whatever the hell was off in the club ain't bad. Keep your standards high, but keep your mind and eyes open.

Ok I'm done ranting----reading over this, many might feel I'm just an angry little man who can't get a girl.....I really don't give a damn. Because while you bitchin to your girls about how "niggas aint shit" cuz he cheatin' on yo ass or "you don't know what to do with him" because he doesn't appreciate you, I'll be getting my third degree while some of these niggas hopin for their first. Damn that was a low blow...... I'm sorry I didn't go to community college, or hustle cd's out my trunk, or get a girl pregnant in high school, or get VIP status at the club...I'm so fucking sorry I grew up.....Bitch please.....Don't tell me I ain't the shit....

Personal Renovations: Baby Steps and Patience

So I've been thinking more and more lately about how to improve the quality of my life. More specifically, I'm wondering if I'm doing enough at this point to ensure I'm on the path to success. Fact is I'm not.

There are a few primary areas that have consumed the majority of my time and energy. Those areas are finances, social interaction at all levels, finding a career, and overall being more purposeful in my actions.

I've decided that in order to develop in these areas, it's going to take a concerted effort. I've been sitting on my ass waiting for shit to happen and it just doesn't work that way. The only way to achieve is to perform---perform at the highest level I can at all times. Knowledge of this fact is the key to making positive changes in my life. I am fully aware that I have the potential to fulfill my dreams of attaining a peaceful and thoroughly creative mind, but it's definitely going to take hard work.

In the coming weeks, I'll be blogging about my successes, failures and thoughts during this process. It's more to keep me grounded and focused on my goal. Also, it'll help me get used to writing more often. I feel like writing is definitely the most effective means of therapy for me. It's been that way since day one and I can't imagine why I stopped, even for a little while. But the here and now is all that matters.

STRUCTURE

The first and most important step to creating positive change is cultivating a positive, productive mindset. All negative thoughts including, but not limited to doubt, fear, antagonism, bitterness and worry must be removed. A daily affirmation is useful in establishing a firm base for successful thinking. Motivational or profound quotes have always did it for me. My facebook status is a good idea of what I mean--pick quotes that make you think, not the cliche sort that people hear everyday from their grandparents...

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. -Henry David Thoreau

Now isn't that beautiful and profound? Basically he's saying that we can't simply change on a whim, think a thought once and be done with it. We must continually and everlastingly think the "thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." We have to train our minds to work in the way we wish our persons to be. In my experience, it's best to envision yourself living the life you want to and working your way backward from there. First what kind of person do you want to be? What are your passions currently? Invest in the good ones. What are your hopes and dreams? Take the steps now to try to achieve as many of them as you can. You'd be surprised at how much you're actually capable of when you simply try. Think of it this way. Everyone dreams and wants things, but a very small percentage even begin to work toward their fondest desires. By simply beginning, you've brought yourself closer to your dreams than you could ever believe. It could be as simple as building your resume and applying for a job, auditioning for theater, writing a story or too, committing to furthering your education, making a list of things to do, cleaning your room, working out, quitting smoking, telling yourself you're worthy of success, praying every night, or any of a variety of things that represent moving toward becoming who it is you want to be. EVALUATE YOURSELF HONESTLY AND CRUDELY AND KEEP AN OPEN MIND. FROM THERE, CREATE THE SELF IMAGE THAT REPRESENTS THE ESSENCE OF THE QUINTESSENTIAL "YOU".

By constantly improving your self perception and always finding new positive goals to add to your desired self image, you provide yourself with structure and a guide toward success. Your self image is the backbone of your path to success.

The Initial Realization- Means and Ends

Today, yesterday, tomorrow, it's all the same moment, the same opportunity for the decision to go wherever I please in life. It seems even though I realize that, I'm still pretending I have time to fuck around and play games--childish games. The faster I get real, the sooner I'll feel secure in my chances to control this beast called life.

These damn tricks I keep playing on myself, acting as if I should really be concerned with such matters as lust, attention, silly constructs of happiness that only aid in my diagnosis as a clinically depressed, bipolar, temperamental silly man when all are really a complete waste of my time. They are wastes only because they result from my thinking about nothing beyond the current state of things, the immediate gratification of ignorance....no...not ignorance.....foolishness and fleeting bouts of pleasure. Hmm, so I guess I think I have more time than I actually do to fool around.

You see, that my friend is precisely the issue. I continue to assume that because the moment is infinite, I am too. But that isn't how God chose to make this sick little indulgence of His. Not at all. You see God is infinite. So in reality, God is the only One capable of embracing the luxury of an infinite moment, a total non existence of time.....and subsequently, death.

So herein lies our dilemma, which will promptly be addressed. I have already decided that. So I will die (sooner than later given my lack of concern for healthy practices) and I can't reap the advantages of infinity because I have a time to die. However, while I am on this earth, I can learn to make some headway, control this moment just a bit. But I have to start soon. What a drag. So what do I do now?

Should I...devote myself to a life of obedient Christianity? Perhaps I should scrap all concern for institutions and simply focus on doing whatever it takes to feel good...no, no not that. That's where I am now. Maybe it depends on what I want to be. Let's figure that out, shall we. Top Ten things I want out of this wretched life of mine before I die.

Power
Money
Security
Affection
Fame
Importance

wait, wait.......I see. So it seems I'm getting my means and ends confused. Aha, it's when we pursue our means as ends, we get that horrible affliction of disillusion. Means are precisely that--means and aren't meant to last. I've been doing that for a while, going after means. So let's redo the list. First with our desired ends.

Security
Purpose

wow, suddenly that list gets a whole lot shorter when you think about the shit that matters. And the means? Well that list would be a bitch to do tonight, so maybe next time.

I don't know the title yet, but a story I'm writing...

So this journey called life-simple right? I’m sure you’ve got everything and anything all figured out? Wrong: as wrong as something could possibly be. In fact, it’s proven more difficult in the past four days than anything I could imagine….

Day 1

Day broke-- like I broke open an eye and stroked my face and I, unfortunately awoke. Damn. Try as I might, this just wasn't my time to die. Not yet. Still trials to be suffered, goals to be met and I bet my last smoke this should prove another day worth dying after. Damn. Day broke, and I lay drifting into some world I wished was there. Where I wasn't boxed in this white room with its white walls and doors, all the more to drive me mad and the sun was white hot against my black ass face. Damn. I hated it.

"Wake up bitch! It’s Monday. Time to receive some of that million dollar education.” It was Kyle. He was always moving, always doing something …if even not for his best interest.

"It’s school…it’s not going anywhere. It will be there tomorrow…and the next day and the next one. It’s actually quite annoying.” I said.

I Moved about my bed and the pillow didn't feel right anymore. Turned it. Cold, better and comfortable. Some hope maybe? But five minutes into time saw me hating it all the more.

“Dude you still haven’t done anything with this room. It’s so bland.” said Kyle.

“I have no money to do anything, including unnecessary acts like decorating this prison you call a dorm.” I said.

"Well guess what Mr. Pessimist. Life is a very real thing. And right now the most important thing in your life is getting up and going to class. Wake up fool!”

Kyle kicked the bed, but I pretended not to notice. I wanted to go back into my dreams, to my world of paradise and trees, woods never ending and a symbolic rainfall teeming with the stimulation I craved. I hated the real world. It was a mess. Like my room. I turned over again and reached towards something better. The ritual Newport that eased my habitual thoughts of death. That box had things in it. 20 reasons to live a "class A" life. Empty. Shit, that's the story of my existence.

“It’s a bright day man!” Kyle said, ripping open the curtains. The blinding light of the sun in the morning. Ugh.

Kyle was what you might like to call my best friend. Well in reality, he was my only friend, but I made it count. I met him back in high school, a glutton for trouble but a boy wise beyond his 16 years at the time. He’s 18 now and loving it. We decided to stick together and left the hood for higher ground. Emory University, a top twenty school teeming with all the middle class we could get our hands on. Oh, how we strove for the middle class.

“Fine, I’m up you stupid idiot.” I said.

I stood up, glaring at the source of my misfortune. He dared speak another word or I’d kill him.

“Plus you know that crazy ass bitch, Tammy gon’ be lookin’ for yooooou oooh! Leaving her on the street last night?! She’s most definitely going to have a thing or two to say to um, express my utter disgust with your behavior. Who the fuck talks like that? A crazy bitch, that’s who.”

“I hate you so much. Tammy deserved that shit. She was acting up all night. Flirting with anything on two legs, pretending she was single? She practically begged me to slap her behind in the mouth. I swear I don’t know what keeps me with her.” I said.

“I don’t know either. Well…oh would you look at that. Guess who’s outside waiting? Tammy. That’s yo ass Mr. Postman.” I’ll see you in class. If you make it.”

“Thanks for the moral support.” I said. Kyle left and I inched toward the window. I made eye contact with her. Damn! She was still there when I looked. I sighed and went to brush my teeth.

A natural disaster was about to occur and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The Line Between Friends and Lovers: The Case of the Ex

The line between friends and lovers: The Case of the Ex


Whether it be an ex, a childhood friend, someone you just met, or whatever, we constantly find ourselves caught up in the classic situation of not knowing "what we are", "whether we should be doing this" and all that jazz.

The Ex

I constantly find myself talking, chilling just trying to kick it with the ex because nobody wants to be fighting and sh*t just because a relationship couldn't work out. I tried it and there are certain things you have to remember if you plan on being friends.

1) Don't fool yourself into thinking your relationship never happened.

2)Just because yall still f*ckin', don't mean yall still together.

3) Don't get in "what if" conversations

4) Don't talk about whose fault it is you broke up. Say it was mutual if someone asks.

5) If you and your ex's friendship fails, be careful about communicating with your ex's friends, family, or associates.


6) Don't date each other's friends. What's a friend?

*Anyone with below 2 degrees of separation.

*Any friend who actively hung out with the ex,

*that one friend you know you wanna talk to and you know they wanna talk to you, but it would blow up.

*friends who aren't friends with your ex anymore as a result of a fallout

*anybody your ex would "magically" turn into a friend, even if its untrue.


7) Keep your business to yourself.

8) Keep physical contact to a minimum (if you can help it)

9) Don't immediately get a rebound

10) Don't say you love them